Last week on the Noir Memoirs Elizabeth “Ellie” Noir and dothesmustle’s Laurie
simpressions: “So, here we are! Back for another update of the Noi--”
Jeremy: “What is this music we’re listening to?”
simpressions: “Well, judging from the album covers on the ground next to the source of the music my guess is that you’re currently enjoying Patrick Wolf.”
Jeremy: “Oh, okay! :D”
Jeremy: “YOU PUT ME IN THE MAGIC POSITION DAAARLING~”
Also, say what you want about how The Magic Position compares to Patrick’s earlier albums, but there’s just no other song out there filled with so much distilled happiness as just the title track of The Magic Position. ♥
So, happy music nerdery aside, it’s straight back to the cold and harsh reality of me having spent all the family’s money on decorating the house. Oops.
Is… is she stealing a child’s painting? o_Ô
Ah, no. She only took the bed. That would make much more sense, yes. Shut up.
Hannah: “My bed! I’m tired, where the hell am I supposed to sleep now? Huh!?”
Nanny Fairchild: ”Whatever. *is a cold-hearted bitch*”
simpressions: “She’s worth every single penny of the hard earned cash we’re giving her. Obviously.”
Speaking of hard earned cash… If Nanny Fairchild would’ve had the decency to at least wait for the parental units to finish returning home, there would’ve been a nice flow of green (I’m not talking about the fumes here) awaiting her. Oh well, at least we could afford a new bed.
It also left us with enough funds to acquire a
Yeah, you must earn those promotions, minion! Do you want to fulfill your LTW or not? Huh?
Ellie: “Yes, master, I will obey your every will no matter how hard it is.”
simpressions “Good girl.”
She’s lucky I have the attention span of a goldfish, and my masterful tyranny is easily distracted by shiny things. Shiny things in this case means iliketoplaygod’s Thomas Jeung.
I guess I should've suspected something, eh? ^^
It appears they share the love of smustling as well as of each other.
Also note the sim passing in the background.
Okay, so maybe it’s a little bit strange that Thomas shares names with Jeremy’s twin brother, but I’m willing to ignore that for the adorable! :D~ I can also keep up the Tom and Jerry tradition, eh? XD
Jeremy: ”He is absolutely divine! :)”
Jeremy: ”Hi. You’re hot.”
Thomas: ”Thanks. You’re not too bad, either.”
Both: *insta-crush* ~♥
Jeremy: ”Eeek! :D Are you seeing this simpressions? Are you? :DDDD”
simpressions: “Don’t you think I’ve got better things to do than watching awkward teenage romantic advances?
hidden_kitten’s August founder entry: “OMG, this looks just like a porno I once saw
simpressions: “Get off my lawn, kid! >:(”
Thomas: ”I’d really like to kiss you now. Can I?”
Jeremy: “I’d like that, too.”
Lol, awwww. ^____^
Surprisingly Stylish Townie: ”Hiiiiii boys! :D”
Surprisingly Stylish Townie: *is even less discreet than simpressions*
That sim I told you to notice some pictures ago? Yeah, that’s dragancaor’s June founder, Nerida, and she’s back for more. That’s right – she left, took an entire lapse around the neighborhood and came back again, apparently.
And again… Heh, well, no, it’s still the same visit. But wouldn’t that be awesome? XD
Thomas: “We’re kind of fabulous, aren’t we? Teehee.”
Laurie: “Guys… Are you two on a date? You’re not that good at it, are you? Haha.”
Laurie: ”Guys? Hello? Son? I’m asking you a question.”
Jeremy: ”Yeah, mom, we are. This is Thomas.”
Laurie: “Thomas is your brother, honey. Don’t you think I remember my own son?”
Laurie: ”Oh, well, Thomas. Are you one of those fuck the world type kids? Hahaha.”
Thomas: “Bye Mrs Noir, I have to… go home… now. See you later, J?”
Despite Laurie’s best efforts they actually had a dream date! Woo! ^^
Thomas: ”So I heard you were out with a guy who had my name!”
Jeremy: “Yeah, what of it?”
Thomas: ”That’s fucking awesome, man! Now you’ll always have a part of me with you! :D”
Aww, Jeremy is such a good older brother!
And freaking adorable to boot! ^_^
simpressions: “Hai Thomas! Long time, no see! You didn’t happen to have anything more expensive to drop off? Too bad.”
Thomas: “What’s wrong with you, lady?”
HE COOKS AS WELL! Boys, here’s a freaking catch just waiting for you!
Okay, now you’re just showing off, right? Nobody’s this full of win.
So, if anyone is wondering where the sim kids get their intelligence from, so do I? Thomas and _simplyrandom’s Penny Lane are discussing current mathematical issues, while Laurie and simfinite’s Ash Lutzen are all “lulz hats are grate”. Also, I think Ash is a bit of a camwhore, because he’s managed to sneak into almost all of my updates one way or another.
Laurie has taken matters into her own hands and decided to scar as much of the younger population of Middleground as simanly possible. Poor Nancy (racetrackd’s May founder) will never be the same again.
To make matters worse everyone decided to lecture the poor girl for no apparent reason. She was probably just repeating what she’d heard. You know kids, they just say things without knowing what they mean.
Oh, and there’s another Lutzen up there, James, who decided to join in on the fun fun fun.
James Lutzen is also working very hard to achieve his goals of becoming a Noir legacy spouse. The earlier he starts the better? Yeah?
Alexandra: ”Denied! D:”
Aww, her first words.
Oh yeah, baby! :D
This here is one badass motherfucker!
She deserves her own novel doesn’t she?
Laurie, Laurie, Laurie… Sweet, deadly, little Laurie.
“You have always been my most trusted assassin, Laurie. I trust you will not fail me this time around,” Voldemort said to the redhead by his side.
She turned around, facing him for the first time in their many years of cooperation.
“Have I ever failed you, master?” she said and her dark eyes met his.
“No, I was merely--”
”Consider it done,” she said, not bothering to wait for an explanation. She was already leaving again.
Laurie disappeared into the darkness, as if she had never been there in the first place. Always the professional. Only the faint smell of Chanel no. 5 remained in the air as a telltale sign of her presence. It was the only thing convincing Lord Voldemort that the wonderful assassin of his was not a figment of his ever growing imagination.
Her assignment this time was one Paris Hilton. She had been on Lord Voldemort’s radar for a while, but one last upskirt photo leaked online in the flash of a second had finally pushed her over the edge. Only his best was worthy enough to break through the security surrounding the worthless heiress.
Laurie was good. She almost made it too easy. Almost.
She was calmly awaiting the right opportunity. Like a bird of prey circling around her victim, or a lion waiting to pounce, so was she.
There, her target just made her last, fatal, wrong move. It was time.
“Oh. Oh, no. Look at me, I just dropped my headphones. How clumsy of me.”
“Man, I’m really bad at this.”
The deed was done. A small poisoned arrow – too small for the bare eye to catch – had hit Paris and the most lethal poison known to man was currently making its way through her veins.
Three… two… one…
”Ohhh… I’m feeling… dizzy… That’s hot…”
Another successful hit to add to Laurie’s belt. Life was good.
It was high time to leave.
Nobody messed with Laurie Noir.
She knew someone was waiting for her outside. It was impossible to hide from her fine senses.
“Another day at the office,” said the woman. “Who was it this time?”
“Does it matter?”
“Absolutely not. But God, you look sexy when you’ve just brutally murdered someone.”
The woman leaned closer and planted a kiss on Laurie’s lips. She wrapped her arms around her and felt familiar warmth glowing inside her. A warmth called Elizabeth.
Jeremy: ”OKAY, I think that’s enough for now, mother!”
Ellie: “Oh, come on, honey. It’s just fiction, silly.”
Ellie: ”Isn’t that right? It’s just fiction.”
Laurie: “Yeah. Just fiction. Join me in the bedroom?”
Ellie: “You bet. Wear the leather outfit?”
Aherm. Here’s something to distract us all with: katu’s June founder, called… Kate. Why am I so creative when I name these sims? XD
Nanny Fairchild is confused. I think. Nanny Fairchild often has a very vacant expression.
Gasp! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No, it’s child Alexandra!
Also, this is where I end this update. The epically random novel will continue to be epically random next week! Hurrah!