simpressions (simpressions) wrote,

Noir Memoirs, Generation 2.4

Gah, my god, this update is brought to you from what apparently has turned into the slowest computer on earth, which happened basically over night, some weeks ago. I have no idea why or what caused this, but I have some suspicions that it might be karma. Yeah. So, the last time we visited the Noirs was ages ago, so let’s just go back and read that update again, shall we?
Okay, you back?

Elizabeth Noir was distraught. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny.

It was over the bridge from Flushings to the Sheffield’s door—GODDAMNIT, STOP THIS MADNESS RIGHT NOW!!

She had avoided this address for ages, knowing fully well that it was the right thing to do. Her love for Laurie had prevented her, but that part of her life had to be put behind her now.

With a deep sigh she rang the bell, feeling her heart sink in her chest. This was the point of no return.

”Yes, who is there?” said a tiny teenaged girl. Elizabeth was surprised – she had expected someone else entirely.
“Well, uh, I’m…”

“Elizabeth Noir,” the girl finished her sentence for her. “Yes, we’ve been expecting you. You look different than I had imagined.”

“I could say the same to you.”
“Well, appearances can deceive, can’t they? Mars, is the name.”

”Veronica Mars. Maybe you’ve heard of me?”
“Actually, I have not--”

”Oh, never mind then. This is my base, and I hear you’ve got some valuable information to share.”
“You could say that…”
“Come on in, then. Let me introduce you to my associate.”

“Hi, I’m Buffy.”
“Oh, my goodness. Aren’t you two a little bit too young to be doing this?” Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of two pint-sized minxes running an underground organization, specializing on ridding the streets of evil. Perhaps Laurie was safe, after all.

“Actually, I’m forty-two years old,” the second girl, apparently named something as silly as Buffy, replied dully.
“Really? You don’t look a day over seventeen!”

“No. Are you sure that you are
the Elizabeth Noir… fuckbuddy of the deadliest woman alive?”
“Fuckbuddies? I beg your pardon, young miss, I--”
“Alright, alright, I’m sure the two of you were soulmates of excellent caliber and the two of you were destined to a long and happy life together as the truest of loves ever. Now spill the details before I lose my patience with you, lady.”

Elizabeth sat down and told the girls what she knew; how Laurie would run errands for Lord Voldemort, and how she never knew quite what it was she would do, only that she would return to her home at the end of the day.
“Thank you for your co-operation, miss Noir,” the girls told her. “We will be in touch.”

”I hope this means we will be able to get to the bottom with this. That vile, despicable woman, Laurie, must be destroyed!”

Laurie: ”Hey, what the hell are you writing about me!?”
Ellie: “H-honey? I… it’s only fiction!”

Ellie: ”I’m terribly sorry for the distress that I have caused!”
Laurie: “Oh yeah? Well, maybe you can bring that apology to me in writing!”

Okay, so this little row was actually due to the fact that Ellie flirted with some random woman that strolled by their house, who she happened to have three bolts of attraction with, and Laurie… did not approve. But wouldn’t it be cool if it’d been about the novel? XD

Oooh, and in the middle of this domestic disturbia, it’s Alexandra’s birthday. Um, happy birthday, honey. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!


Yes, the happiest birthday girl I’ve ever seen. Ever.

Hannah: ”Die, glitchy alien eyes! Die!”

Alexandra: ”I can’t see shit, bitch! This is the worst fucking birthday in Noir history! ARGHHHH!!”

Alexandra: ”Mm, that’s better. ^____^”
Uh… I think she’s on drugs. Already. This bodes well for the future, yeah? o_O

Knowledge. Become World Class Ballet Dancer.

And so, without further ado, it’s time for a well-earned holiday! Never mind that Laurie and Ellie are on non-speaking terms with each other, which I kind of forgot when I sent them away, heh.

Jeremy: ”Hey ho, hey ho, it’s off to Far East we go!”

Ellie: ”Bye, Mr. Maid. Take good care of the house while we’re gone!”
Maid: “What? D:”

Welcome to the Far East. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.

Hah, so here is Ellie pretending to be all high and mighty, gossiping about her wife. Should I remind her that Laurie had absolutely nothing to do with anything other than catching Ellie in the arms of another woman? Oh, and scratch what I said before about the woman strolling by the house, because now I just remembered that she came home with Jeremy from work (a bleach blonde lady in far too revealing clothes, and a gay teenage boy – the military in Middleground sounds like they have an awesome don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy! :D) so this story has no point whatsoever.

Laurie: ”We’ll be wanting separate rooms for five people. And no questions asked, capishe!?”

Clerk: ”Y-yes, m’am! Just sign here.”

Oh, this is… nice… :/ Come on, guys! It’s the Far East, filled with mirth and magic. Go forth and… do stuff. You know.

A cookie to Alexandra for this picturesque vision of appropriate vacation activities. Four for you, Glen Coco.

This is perhaps not quite as fabulous, but at least it’s… uh… artistic? XD

Yeah, okay, someone miiiiight’ve had a bit too much fun with the new poses, and that someone might’ve just been me. But gosh darn it, Thomas looks adorable here! :D

Speaking of adorable, let me just look at all the wonderfulness of this shot and melt into a puddle of goo while I hifwonwqhaaaaaaa…. :D~

Here are examples of the ancient, local tradition of booty shaking. Many generations have perfected the art, I’ll tell you!

Laurie: ”Dude, don’t think I didn’t see you hitting on that young piece of meat over there, you skank!”
Ellie: “What?”
Laurie: “Damn, you’re soooo hot and I—no! I hate your guts, woman!”
Ellie: “Fine! Have it your way.”
Local: “I had nothing to do with this. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. La la la.”

Never mind that, it’s TIME TO GET HIGH, everybody! “Teleportation” my ass, Mr. Ninja. That shit is whack.

Jeremy: “Hai mister Ninja, sir! Can I has teleportation nao?”
Ninja: “Uh, I don’t think so, kid. I don’t share my stash with just anyone, you know.”

Jeremy: “Did… Did I just fail at something? D: How is this possible?”

Try the tea instead, darling. It’s my drug of choice, and I’m pretty sure I’d be able to teleport after a pot or two. Haha, a pot! Oh, the irony. *is lame*

Chris Hansen: “Hey, Unsavoury Charlatan, why don’t you have a seat over there, instead of molesting minors in public?”


At least she got robbed before she found the secret map! Always look on the bright side of life, eh? :P

Laurie: ”I’m not a fucking creature of the night, you imbecile!”
Yeah, Laurie is raging up a storm as well, so I think that it’s high time to get the hell out of there. Why can’t I ever take my sims anywhere without making scenes? :(

Wise old men? Tea? Could it be…?

Why yes, it is the Pagoda in the Shadows! Not that a tiny, insignificant little detail like that would stop my sims from acting completely inappropriate or anything, no no.

Dragon legends and plumbobs, oh my!

Well, that was… kind of lame, tbh. I was expecting something a little bit more, well, nifty. Maybe I’m just spoiled like that.

Yeah! Boo, hiss! We pee in your bushes for revenge, Wise Old Man. That’s what you get for telling lame legends, and also for serving tea, because as we all know that’s a heck of a danger to the bladder.

This, too, looks a little bit dangerous. And as you might be able to tell, dear reader, I’m trying to cram as much of Takemizu Village into one vacation, which is why I’m rushing around like a madwoman. XD

Success. Although, I have to admit that this looks worse than the negative effect of the magical shrine. Hm.

I’ve never played Mahjong, but it looks like fun! ♥ I’ve only ever played the computer game where you stack those bricks into a pyramid and then try to find to similar ones and click on them to get rid of them, and I always end up getting frustrated and cheating like a maniac. Maybe Mahjong isn’t for me, either…

Oh, shit, so this creeped me out insanely much! Especially since my game lagged so much that they stayed like this for several minutes! I thought that my game was about to explode or something, and I was freaking out like there was no tomorrow, and gaaaah! D: Then they turned normal again the very next second, and I felt a little foolish. Bah.

Oooh, the ninja is back! This time I won’t screw this up, so I’m sending a responsible adult to talk to him. ^^

Sweet success, I am your slave! 8D ~♥

Haha, this is either awesome, or kind of the-power-of-Christ-compels-you, and I can’t quite decide which one… :P

Aaaand, with that it is time to leave the Far East (and all it’s insane lag) behind! I’m not entirely sure that Laurie will be able to pack the hole in the ground, but she can try.

Aah, home sweet home. We are greeted by a lot of overdue bills, hurrah.

No need to worry about money, though, because this is what we managed to dig up during the trip. Why yes, that is no less than four (4) treasure chests. There, uh, was a LOT of digging. Yeah.

Also, I just might’ve abused the increased skilling benefit. Just a tad.

Some were more ambitious than others… No names mentioned or anything…

Hannah the Romance sim had gone far, far too long without a bit of romance in her life, so she just had to invite dragancaor’s Ceallagh Latrodectus over for some hanky-panky.

And hanky-panky she got.
The End.
Yes, that was basically the most unnecessary cameo in the history of cameos. You’re welcome. XD

Tags: noir
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